The Scarlet Letter

Did you guys read that book? I started it, but didn't get very far. For some reason it just didn't catch my interest. Well, maybe now I should read it again. I kissed another guy. This is the bad thing that I did a while back but didn't say what it was. I will say that even though I'm a "cheater", I don't feel bad about it. I won't make the excuse that I was drinking and it was late, blah blah, even though it was, but I knew what was going on. It happened and that was that. Now, that being said, moving on...

I'm torn. I have been hanging out with Ed for almost two years now. We went out on our first date the weekend before Thanksgiving, so that will be our quote unquote two year anniversary. I still say New Year's Eve was when I told him I was ready to be exclusive, but I knew in Nov. that we'd be together. Anyway, don't you think by now I would know whether he's the one for me or not? Sometimes when we hang out, I'm really happy and I enjoy his company. Other days I feel like an old, married woman at age 31. I don't think I should feel that way so early into the relationship. If this is what things are going to be like, I'm not interested.

Lately, I've just felt lonely. He likes to stay home and play video games and eat at the same three restaurants. I like to try new places, go out (every now and again), mingle, see new faces and do new things. That's why I feel lonely. I can only sit in my house for so long. I have even suggested things, and he's either watching 'Lost', or 'House' or "getting up early the next day" or just not interested. I don't really want to say it, but maybe he's at the point where he's taking me for granted. And if that's the case, I sure would like to know.

I guess I'm just stuck in the Catch 22 phase right now. I want to be single and free, but I know if I was, I'd be pining away for someone other than my bird-dog to keep me company. I sure do hope there's a happy medium out there for me. And I hope it shows up fast. I'm not getting any younger.